Chapter 65

Kayden's POV:

I am walking in darkness, I have no sense of direction, there is only a void but I keep walking forward, I feel someone walking next to me but I can't scent who... I have no ability to scent.

"Who is there?" I ask to the void.

'Kayden? It's Deacon. Where are we?' I try to reach out to him and feel his fur, I feel his agony and I feel that he feels mine.

"I don't know old friend." This is the first time I meet my wolf outside my head yet I feel him as he was still in my mind. He is afraid and as devastated as I am.

"Deacon I am sorry I didn't tell Loiza about what Lydia and Keaton did in time. You were right, please don't go silent again." I am so sorry, my mind is overwhelmed, this pain is consuming me. I fall to my knees in the darkness... I feel Deacon nuzzling my face and I can't help but to wrap my arms around his neck and weep like a child, he whimpers with me.

'Kayden, how are we going to get mate back?' He still has hope, he is a wolf, does he understand that she doesn't want us, that my betrayal is more than likely irreversible.

**He understands more than you know.**

Both Deacon and I hear the voice, it's female.

"Who are you?" I ask to the darkness.

**It doesn't matter who I am but your wolf is a very ancient spirit, he doesn't remember himself... Deacon, you have to try to remember you must help guide Kayden.**

'I am an old spirit? I don't remember. All I remember is Deacon.'

**You must try to remember, this is not the first time you have lost Aryn and likely not the last. I will help gide you but you must tap into your ancient wisdom. Kayden is human, he needs you to guide him, you two can not be at odds with each other.**

I am still holding on to Deacon for dear life. "Guide me how? For what reason?"

**For balance, for harmony... for life. Where there is life, there is hope.**

'Cicero used to say that. I remember Cicero.'

"You knew Cicero? Wasn't he like a Roman emperor or something?"

'He was Cicero, he was no emperor, he was wise. That's all I remember.'

**Kayden, Deacon, you two must to learn to work together. You are one.**

"Will this help get Loiza back?"

**She has her own destiny... but you are mated to her for a purpose. To reach that purpose you must grow. Loiza showed you that rage, anger, confusion and ignorance do not make a good ruler. You have been kept in darkness like the one you are in now.**

"The Osupa train since they are pups to gain the control and they have, how can I reach that when all I know is that power is strength and dominance?"

**Then you must first accept you are a pup yourself then... she gave you a gift, she has discipline and a strong will, she always did.. Remember? She was not raised in darkness, yet she gave some light to gide you. She is still trying to understand many things and she has been surrounded by wise people who have guided her. She is wise enough to choose those to help council her to rule correctly, yet she gave you light to grow from a pup to a man, the books are only the begining yet her notes are a precious key to unlocking the true wisdom of those books.**

"I can't read one of the books, do you know where I can find that book in my language?"

**She did not leave that book for you... I did. You will not find that book in your language. To be able to read it, you must first stop being a pup, only then will you be able to read it.**

"If you left that book to me, how will she be guided by it?"

**She does not need it, just like with the other two books, she has it memorized and her notes of it is all she needs. She also is still growing but her mind is open to knowledge. And like you, she does not fear me.**

I take it all in and notice I am still holding on to Deacon on my knees. I stand still keeping contact with him and a small dim green light appears in front of us. I can see my hands, I can see some of Deacon's features.

**You have taken the first step... to STAND with your spirit animal. There is much power in just standing.**

I remember of what Loiza's brother Maco said about her after her healing bath. She took on her duty to lead despite her pain, her age and her inexperience, she was a Gamma and in a matter of days proved she had the ability to be powerful Alpha.

**Because of her inexperience she chose the people to surround herself to guide her carefully, she took the books her father used teach the old Alpha's son and his own children to verify her notes and review what she knows makes a proper leader, yet she also has a strong intuition and knows when to follow it.**

'You can see me now Kayden?'

"I can." I take my hand to his muzzle. "Do I count on you old friend?"

'Yes, you must grow and I must remember.'

**You have been a child in darkness for so long Kayden, now that you can see light you must work to make that light be bright and be the man you are meant to be. You must learn to control your anger, your fear, your insecurities. And Deacon you must to do the same and remember. You must both awake now and be the Warrior you are meant to be. Awake now and grow.**

"Kayden, are you ok? Wake up brother you're scaring me!" I hear Marcus's voice waking me.

'Deacon we are one, we can do this, we can get her back but we have to be smart about it. Are you with me?'

'Yes Kayden, we will grow and remember. We must control our destiny, we must control ourselves. I will not go silent again.'

"By the Goddess Kayden! Are you ok? Wake up!" Marcus's voice sounds closer.

I open my eyes and I am in my room. Loiza's cloak in my arms. I am remembering the dream... no, it was no dream.

"Finally! How do you feel brother?" I look at my kid brother and am angry that I was acting like the kid, it's time for that kid to go.

"I feel pain Marcus, I feel her and I am worried for her, I can feel she is a shell now but I understand why she did what she did. We need each other." I sit up and look for her books. Marcus looks at me confused.

"You're not angry Kay?" I still look around for Loiza's books.

"A little brother, but I am working on it. I am disappointed in myself, I am sorry we were raised the way we were. But getting angry won't get us anywhere... Marcus where are the books?" He looks stunned.

"I'm sorry brother, I have them. I was studying them while you slept." For a moment I thought I lost them.

"Good, it will be helpful to have your insight, what have you found in them?" He blinks a few times.

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?!" I can't help but laugh.

"He did some... soul searching. How many are left in the pack?" Might as well face the music.

"We lost over 400 members Kayden." I nod understanding. And fold her cloak neatly and place it on my pillow and stand up.

"Kayden you're kinda scaring me..." I understand why he would feel like that.

"Why Marcus? Because I'm not loosing my shit? How will I get her back like that? I am trying here Marcus. With the old way not only did I loose my mate but over 400 members, for many Alpha's that's their whole pack, not the sign of a good leader or a good man. What time is it?" I have a lot of work to do and now I understand what the voice said about Loiza having her own destiny. She has to rebuild her pack after the treason mine did and I have to rehabilitate mine.

"It's almost 2:00 pm, why?" I get some clothes.

"We have work to do Marcus, I am taking a shower, have Nancy get me something light to eat. I'm hungry but with days without food it'll just make me feel worse, I'll eat something stronger later. After that meet me in my office with the books, ok?" I grab a fresh towel from the closet.

"Damn Kayden, that was some hefty soul searching! How's Deacon?" My eyes go black and I let Deacon answer himself.

"I am hurting Marcus, I want her back, but we must be smart about it." My eyes go back to normal and Marcus's jaw almost hits the floor.

"How did you do that?!" He asks.

"I'm just figuring that out right now Marcus, we'll continue this conversation in my office, ok?"

"As you say... Alpha!" He says.

"Oh, and Marcus... do we have any books about Cicero?