Chapter 76

Kayden's POV:

I can feel Marcus's eyes on me... I know he is worried about my mood lately. The nightmares won't stop, the first few days after she left I felt as though she was an empty shell being moved by the waves with no direction. Then slowly I started getting emotions from her end of the Bond; annoyance, nostalgia, anger, confusion, stress, determination. Very slowly I could feel her starting to feel again... She felt for everyone. She didn't feel for me. There were times I felt her remember me, she knows who I am and what I am to her, but really no feelings. There was very brief moment she felt an intense feeling for me, but it only held fear... Does she fear me? No... I doubt she could ever fear me, I think there is little that she fears from anyone.

Then the day came when I felt she felt desire. The nights became hell. I would close my eyes and the moment sleep enraptured me I felt her desires, it wasn't for any particular food, although she craved it, she desired expansion and growth, but above all she desired love and she has someone near that wants to give her that which is only mine to give! She needs comfort, her mind is filled with confusion and when she is around that man her confusion grows. I can tell he not only desires her, he admires her, he shows her his want for her, he tempts her, she enjoys being tempted by him. I close my eyes and see a set of eyes, turquoise eyes that remind her of that I know she loves. My Loiza loves the sea.

I have come to fear, I get night terrors of them together and I am here, so far from her in both body and soul. I know she doesn't feel my pain, I feel she has taken me off her chess board, no longer a knight nor pawn. She goes for days without even remembering I exist, I try to bear it. I would even prefer to feel that she hates me, but I don't even get that comfort, it's as if she is trying hard to completely erase me from her mind but something doesn't allow it. Is the Bond that strong? Yet when I ask myself, I feel it's something more powerful than the Bond that allows me to linger in her mind, so I hold on to that.

I have stopped trying to sleep. I can feel her resisting the temptation that is there, there are moments she wants to surrender to it. Is the Block that strong that I, her True and Bonded mate can't reach through it? My mind has completely become a realm she ruled... Every second whether awake or asleep had become hers alone. Forgotten were the books, the plans for reform, the voice in the darkness. The small wisp of green light had turned into a pair of turquoise eyes that she craved to be engulfed by. But in my desperation I held hope she would not betray me.

Marcus advised to reject her... I wanted to kill him that day, to choke the life out of my baby brother for even suggesting that. If this is my curse, I will endure it until it kills me!

He found the witch Endora, to explain the spell placed on her. She told us that such a powerful spell that could block out the Bond between two Alphas could only come from the skill of the most powerful witch and enchantress Morgaine Le Fay and those of her bloodline... Bayoán's witch. She explained that Morgaine had the power to rival that of Merlin the Great himself and if another would perform the spell for me I would still feel her, it could only muffle her feelings but nothing close to the spell that protects her from me. Endora had no coven, so I invited her to stay in the pack as my guest, I was grateful that she accepted, I need more council on these matters of magic.

I spent many days thinking on how to get to Karaya, to try to reason with her and throw myself at her feet and beg forgiveness if that's what it took to have her in my arms again and end this agony. But when I asked Lydia and Keaton where the island was they responded that it had left their memory the moment of their treachery. I even though of going to The Council itself and asking.

"How will you explain to her how you found it Kayden? If you lie they will know, if you tell the truth she will truly despise you." Marcus and his cursed logic! My mate Mark itched as if it was infected, but the tests came negative yet I couldn't stop itching and when she thought of HIM, it would start burning. To this too Endora had an explanation. She explained how the Priestess Mark works, how it warns of danger starting with the itch. Yet this is something Lydia and Loiza had already explained. So I supposed it meant that everytime it itched she had HIM on her mind? When it got hot she would want to surrender to him?

I was going mad. Marcus told Endora to prepare the Block for me, for a moment I agreed, yet the second the ritual started I ordered it to stop. I gave Endora the lock of hair Loiza left, I wanted her scent to be stronger. Marcus objected, I didn't give a damn, I NEEDED her scent to be stronger, I wanted to focus on her even more. She had the herbs needed to prepare a charm bag and she cast a spell that the scent be strong and ever present.

The charm helped, it helped focus on HER and not him. It helped me focus on that even if she had him on her mind and wanted to give into her want for him she DIDN'T, it helped me focus that she, in her confusion was staying true to ME.

I started feeling better with the charm so I carried it with me at every moment and once I had it I was able to sleep even for a few hours. My dreams were HERS and everything I knew about her would fill those dreams. The turquoise eyes that haunted me were now amber. Endora had a large kinda round amber stone and I paid her for that. The charm in my pocket the stone in my hand like a child who can't let go of his baseball. If I held on to it, it gave me comfort, always reminding me she had not given in... She could have given in and not feel my agony, yet everyday she remained true. Even with the amount of temptation and confusion she proved that block or no she was still MINE! If I would have put a half assed block, I probably couldn't tap into the truth of it, but the charm and the stone kept be grounded, it made me know that even with the powerful Block of Morgaine Le Fay, she still held on to me. So I would do the same.

I finally fell onto a deep sleep one night and again she came but the green light was dim...

**I thought you were focused on growing.**

"It's proving difficult right now."

**Because of the man who desires her?**

"Yes. I don't blame him, I feel he not only desires her, but admires her and wants to bring her comfort. Why does she need comfort?"

**When does one need comfort?**

"When we suffer. Is she suffering?"

**In a way.**

"You are not going to tell me?"

**First the pup must grow and feed the light that grows dim, you must focus on the light and Deacon you must remember.**

'I remember war and suffering. I remember the ocean trying to swallow me. I want to forget and be Deacon.'

**Then you have already lost Aryn again, maybe you'll find her again in another life time.**

'I don't want to wait that long again.'

**Then you remember it has been a long time?**

'Yes, it has been so long.' So he is remembering.

"How can I get to Karaya?"

**You must be invited.**

"How do I get invited?"

**You make the light bright.**

"I've tried, I read the books, I learned her strategies."

**Yet the light is dim.**

"Yes. Can you help me make it bright?" And just like that the light got brighter.

**Asking for help is another step. You have not gotten rid of the broken altar.**

"No, I haven't." Loiza hated it.

**She hated what it meant. Anger, betrayal, rage... disharmony. Rid this place of it and reach out to Avalon, you must tell Moira of the Cursed Rose who lives here.**

"How do I call on the Lady Moira?"

**You will feed into her vanity. Elves are very vain, it's their weakness.**

"How do I feed into her vanity?"

**After the broken altar is removed you will build a shrine to the Goddess. You will place a new altar and paint the sacred pentagram on it. You shall place the elements in the lower four corners.**

"What about wind?"

**Where is wind?**

"Everywhere."

**Wind is everywhere, that point needs nothing for wind is ever present.**

"And the top point?"

**That is the point of that which is divine. You will put a white marble bowl and at dawn and dusk you will place a piece of blessed parchment with Moira's Name and her titles with your blood, do you remember?**

I try to remember what Bayoán called her that day, he knew it by heart.

"I don't remember. Can you tell me?"

**You shall feed her vanity by calling by this name: The Lady Moira of the House of Aranda, Grand Prime Priestess of Avalon, the Lady of the Lake and Keeper of Excalibur. If you both work together you will remember, say out loud.**

"The Lady Moira of the House of Aranda, Grand Prime Priestess of Avalon, the Lady of the Lake and Keeper of Excalibur."

'The Lady Moira of the House of Aranda, Grand Prime Priestess of Avalon, the Lady of the Lake and Keeper of Excalibur.'

"Where do I find blessed parchment?"

**Ask your witch. You made a wise choice to host her, keep learning that which The Cursed Rose did not teach.**

"So I put the parchment in the bowl?"

**At dawn and at dusk you will place the parchment with that name and burn it, the smoke will call to her. But don't expect haste from Moira, she will come only in the correct time. You must not despair at her pride. Keep serenity. Only in serenity can you find a clear mind. Follow the golden ratio to build the shrine.**

"What's that?"

**Have you implemented the reforms?**

"No."

**Where is the wind?**

"Everywhere."

**Kappas are ruled by wind. I told you before that in her notes lies the key. Use the key to unlock your mind and to grow. At dawn and dusk everyday. Never forget to call her, do not move forward without Avalon, without Avalon, The Council will destroy you. And remember Kayden... She has betrayed the Bond, but she has not betrayed you. Keep the charm close. Let her scent guide you. It was no accident she left her hair in the books. Use the key. Do you understand?**

"Yes."

**Remember who you are Deacon, remember who Aryn is. Help Kayden or another 300 years may pass without finding her again.**

"300 years?!"

**Only every 300 the window is open are you both granted a lifetime. Here's to hope and that we never loose it.**

'Aryn used to say that!'

"You remember?"

'I remember Aryn held to hope, she loves the sea.'

**Remember, at dawn and dusk, follow the golden ratio, use the key, let the elements gide you, remember the Sun Kayden, listen to the song of the ocean. Don't loose hope.**

I wake up drenched in sweat and get a pencil and paper before I forget:

The Lady Moira of the House of Aranda, Grand Prime Priestess of Avalon, the Lady of the Lake and Keeper of Excalibur.

I look out the window and it's the Dawn. I get up and go to the garage and find a sledgehammer and a can of white spray paint.

I go to were the broken altar is and turn it to dust with the hammer and circle the area where the shrine must be built. I go to my office and find the census Avis and Gabriel did and highlight every Kappa.

I notice that I am holding the charm and amber stone in my right hand. I look at the sunrise and for just a moment I hear the sound of horses and the wheels of what I know is a chariot.